I felt sadder this morning it seems to me than I have at any time before and my tears would fall over the memory of Gertrude as I so vividly recalled her while I was dressing. I am torn with trouble and doubt. A casual remark by Julia today fell on my soul with crushing weight, she could have had no conception what it was to me and yet it was said in unconsciousness of the remotest connection with me. I have felt particularly bound down all morning and could not talk at breakfast. I bade Sade good bye in the hall not intending to say anything to the rest who were at breakfast, but Lucy came out to bid me good bye and I could only kiss her without saying a word. Pa drove us over the river. Girard came down with me. It was a cold morning and the car was very cold. Have had a dull head ache all day but have worked on Gertrudes portrait and I think it is very like her now. Went to the Council tonight. Loop is going to let me have the picture of Gertrude on Wednesday. Sara sent the report of Gertrudes care to Dr. Hedenberg today. I mailed it here.
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