Went home Saturday by the Powell. It was windy and cold. All the Vauxs went to Staten Island to a canoe race in which Bowyer took part. Gussie and I took the ride round Hussey Hill by St. Rimi and returned by the river road. We talked of Dwight and Gertrude all the time and tried to find some comfort from our mutual sorrows, but one talks and talks and the sorrow is still there. Dear Gertrude, how the months as they go by sanctify and glorify her sweet memory. John and Nannie have left my house. I went over Sunday morning and went through it. How many memories of our early married life came sweeping over me as I went through the empty rooms. I am going to occupy it as a studio this summer. In the evening we went over to the cemetery. Sara, Gussie and I. The flowers were blooming on Gertrudes grave but it seemed impossible that she was sleeping below. Sara and I came down on the Powell yesterday, she on her way to Boston. Mrs. Genl. Carter was on board, a very sweet looking woman. Andrews came down with us and got off at West Point. I have made a most unwelcome discovery today. I have been troubled for a month with slight pains near my groin and today consulted Dr. Joslyn. He pronounces it a slight rupture and for the rest of my life I presume I will be compelled to wear a truss. I have always had a dread of this and now to think that I am afflicted with it depresses and discourages me. I went up to Dr. Panenys and had a truss fitted. He said I might be cured with great care but seemed to think it improbable. I shall try for I feel so humiliated at any giving out in my heretofore perfectly healthy body that I shall do anything to become sound again. The G. B.'s met at the Manhattan Beach Hotel this afternoon. We went by boat to Bay Ridge and thence by rail. Mr. Butler, Gordon, Andrews, Nash, Collins, Otis, McDonough, Gifford, Eastman, Pellew, Archibald, Marbury & myself. We had a very pleasant time and have just returned, (9.30). No letter from Lily and I am disappointed. Sometimes after I have had a little enjoyment like this dinner I ask myself whether with all my responsibilities I ought to spend even these modest sums but I am refreshed by being with these pleasant people, and life is short and there will be rest hereafter and we will not question ourselves.
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