Saturday, Aug 7, 1880 Wrote to Smith in London telling him I had received no "blue form" and sending him an order on the Secretary of the Royal Academy for my picture. Took a walk out on the Common after breakfast and visited the cemetery filled with sad and regretful thoughts. I seem to live in an atmosphere of sadness and despondency which I am powerless to escape from. Went to my studio and tried to paint but could not. Received a letter from Downing, one from Mr. Bachelder telling me he is going to Seconnet on Sept. 1 and a long letter from Sara written last Sunday. It has been another perfectly beautiful day. I wish I could enjoy these delightful days but my heart is heavy and sad. I think constantly in my loneliness of dear Gertrude. If I could only work and find pleasure in my work I would be thankful. Maurices dreadful condition alone is sufficient to dishearten one. I changed the corner closet to accommodate my new bureau and put all my letters in one of the drawers.
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