Saturday, Jan 7, 1882 Did not go home today. Painted all day on Miss Teales picture and am getting it in better shape although it does not please me. Went to the club this evening but did not have a very good time. It discourages me to feel how unable I am to enjoy general society. I feel constrained and am not able to enjoy myself. I miss some of the old companions and I came to my room with something of a feeling of depression. I wish I could be more genial but I dont seem to learn the art. I miss my dear Gertrude when I come home as I did tonight feeling that I am not able to meet my fellows as I wish I could. The Artist Fund had their reception tonight. I received no invitation although Eastman gave me a card last night. I did not go and have to confess that I do not enjoy these miscellaneous gatherings of the Artists. There are so many strange faces that I feel isolated. I presume it will end in staying away altogether.
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