Wednesday, Nov 26, 1884 Mary and I came up from N. Y. today where I have been since Monday 17th in the midst of dirt and confusion having my room changed so as to make a place to sleep. When I left today the carpenters were to finish tonight and when I go back I will begin to settle myself in my new and more limited quarters. The Mr. Wilson who ordered a picture from me for $600 came in yesterday and withdrew the order to my great regret. I have been in a state of the greatest anxiety and alarm almost in view of the obligations I have to meet and have that timid shrinking feeling which I always have when I see the money going out and none coming in. Downing came up by the evening train to spend Thanksgiving. I shall probably not go back until Monday although I feel I ought to be there and getting settled. Pinchot came to my studio yesterday and invited me to dine with him and Eastman and Col[?] on Friday at the Union League but I was obliged to decline. I feel so unlike work that I am greatly troubled by it but when I get my room in order I hope I will feel like painting. But I seem to get no impressions because my mind is filled with the most sordid and wearing anxieties. I had a letter from Alice. They too are very troubled, and one from Miss Nesmith telling me [?] Sister Mrs. Anderson is to leave N. Y. and that she will not be there this winter and I think, feels somewhat adrift. My father seems about as he did when I saw him last but an atmosphere of sadness seems to pervade this home which I cannot get rid of. I know so well that every thing would seem brighter if I only were producing and selling my work, but the business outlook is most gloomy and I fear this winter is to be most trying to me.
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