Tuesday, July 20, 1886 Awoke with a bad feeling in my head, the result of a little indigestion from over fatigue yesterday. I felt very depressed and wretched. In the midst of it, after breakfast, Girard came to me to tell me he was in money difficulties and wanting me to get my father to endorse a note for $1000. It seemed to me the end had come, but it has been done and he will go on I presume for a while again. I told him frankly I was inclined to assist him but that I distrusted his business ability and his application but there is no use wasting words. I have felt badly all day and am so irritable I am ashamed of myself. I worked in the garden awhile this afternoon just because there is work there which ought to be done. I cant bear to see any neglect about the place, and there is getting to be so many evidences of it that I am annoyed all the while. It is simple slavery living in this way and I sigh for a smaller place, less to look after, and peace and quiet for my Art which seems now an altogether secondary interest to all this puttering. I had a card concerning the Detroit pictures from Kurtz saying some were shipped to N. Y. but he did not know whether mine were among them. Received a letter from Miss Nesmith from Melrose Highlands. The weather continues remarkably cool and comfortable. Last night I was obliged to put extra cover on my bed. Am reading Harriet Martineaus Autobiography. Her indifference to a future [existence?] and her disbelief in it seem to me utterly abnormal, and yet apparently she was not unhappy. I think however it argues a lack of some of the rarer qualities of the soul.
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