Saturday, June 5, 1886 I answered Mr. Semples letter last night thanking him for the trouble he took to explain the matter with the Art Union and regretting I had no picture to send. I also wrote a note to Perry telling him what Mr. Semple said regarding his hopes of an early settlement with the Art Union. I felt wretchedly discouraged and unhappy this morning. It was too beautiful a morning to be wasted in useless anxieties, but I always feel most discouraged in the morning. How I long for my dear Gertrude in this lonely house and how constantly I think of and miss those who have gone from it. What would my life have been could I have foreseen the day when we three should be left here alone with all the sad memories. Sometimes it seems to me if we could go away from it altogether we would get rid of many sorrowful suggestions. Perhaps the day will come when we will be obliged to leave it and then we will remember only the happiness we have experienced here; our full share indeed, as happiness is measured out to mortals. I went over to my studio and determined to paint something if I could only compose my mind, but I have no heart for my work and can not drive myself to it. I finally did begin a picture 20x24 from a little sketch I painted years ago and which I have always liked. I worked until noon, and covered the canvas, but it is poor. I shall go at it again however and perhaps I may get something out of it. After dinner my father, Sara, Girards wife and Girardie drove out to Mr. B[?] going around by Sanders old place. The wind was with us and it was pretty dusty, but it was pleasanter returning. My father stood the ride very well and was decidedly improved by his ride yesterday. Sara had a letter from Janette tonight and one from Lucy. She was hourly expecting Genl. Howard and party. The probability is John will have to stay there until July 1 unless Genl. Howard sends his relief before and Lucy is going to intercede with him to do so.
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