Wednesday, May 19, 1886 Came to N. Y. by morning train bringing my trunk with me to pack my things for the summer. Found such kind and friendly letters from Weir and his wife. Went to see Wood and we decided to call a meeting of the Artists Mutual Aid Society on Friday. I came to my room and wrote the notices. Have been getting my things together in order to leave town Saturday. Mr. Jay Smith the Art director of the Minneapolis exhibition called and I arranged with him to send two pictures and if the one sent to Detroit does not sell will send that. Telegraphed to Eastman asking him if I should come up about six, but received no answer. Have felt dizzy and depressed all afternoon. Went over to dinner and found Calvert, Bowyer and Marion there. Calvert I can see is worried as I am and life seems a struggle. I feel very despondent and discouraged but attribute it partially to my physical condition. Called to see Mrs. Gray but she had gone to Newport, but saw Florence and spent an hour there when I came home to my room feeling lonely, unhappy and despondent. These changes from city to town, and the reverse grow more and more serious and trying as I grow older, and I find my profession growing less and less of a dependence.
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