The time drags wearily. I am in no mood for work for I am consumed with anxieties. My room seems lonely and all I hear or see is discouraging. Calvert and the boys moved away from here on Wednesday and I miss them very much for I used to see some of them every day. I go out for my dinner now. Hall and I go together but I dislike restaurants. I am more unhappy than I have ever been before for I have not the faith and hope I once had. It seems a sad conclusion that after twenty years spent in New York during which I had won some distinction to find myself today actually unable to pay my rent and my living. Butler called today and I gave him my note for $600 to renew the other. How I dread such things. It seems to me sometimes that I will go crazy. I am going home tomorrow but I will be equally troubled there.
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